The Space Between What Happens and What Happens Next
Valerie Vazquez, Licensed Massage Therapist, Reconnect Massage Therapy, downtown Fort Worth. .
When Regulation Creates Room for Choice
Over the past few months, we’ve been exploring the conversation your body is having with you all the time.
This month, I’d like to take that conversation one step further.
What happens when we create a little more space between what happens to us and how we respond?
Choice becomes possible.
We Don’t Always Choose Our First Response
Our nervous system is constantly taking in information and responding to what it perceives.
A stressful conversation.
A demanding day.
A familiar situation that brings up an old pattern.
Too much noise, too little rest, or simply too much on your plate.
Sometimes the response happens before we’ve had a chance to consciously think about it.
Our shoulders tighten. Our breathing changes. Our jaw clenches. We may become impatient, withdrawn, restless, overwhelmed, or on edge.
None of this means we’re doing something wrong. Our nervous system is designed to respond.
The opportunity comes in what happens next.
Regulation Creates Space
When we’re activated, our options can feel smaller. We may find ourselves reacting from habit rather than responding from intention.
But when we have an opportunity to settle—even just a little—we may notice a breath, a sensation in the body, or a moment of awareness before automatically moving into the familiar response.
That small space matters.
Regulation doesn’t mean you’ll never become activated. It means you may become more able to recognize what’s happening and create enough room to decide what you need next.
Sometimes that choice is to speak.
Sometimes it’s to pause.
Sometimes it’s to set a boundary or rest.
Sometimes it’s simply to take a breath before continuing.
Where Mindfulness Comes In
This is one of the reasons I’ve been spending more time learning about and practicing mindfulness. I’m currently participating in a mindfulness group and appreciating the opportunity to explore a different way of relating to our experiences.
Mindfulness isn’t about emptying your mind or making yourself feel calm. It’s simply about noticing what is happening in the present moment with curiosity.
You might notice, “My body is tense,” or “I’m holding my breath.”
That noticing creates a moment of awareness—and sometimes awareness is the first step toward choice.
I’ve also been learning more about Nature Rx at the Fort Worth Botanic Garden. I love the idea that mindfulness doesn’t always have to look like sitting quietly with your eyes closed.
It can be walking through a garden, feeling the ground beneath your feet, noticing the leaves moving, or simply taking a breath and being where you are.
Sometimes, slowing down enough to notice is where regulation begins.
So, Where Does Massage Fit In?
Massage isn’t about making your nervous system behave a certain way.
It’s an opportunity to step out of the constant doing for a little while and reconnect with what is happening in your body.
As you settle onto the table, you may notice your breathing, become aware of places where you’ve been holding tension, or realize just how much effort you’ve been carrying.
You don’t have to figure anything out.
You simply have an opportunity to pause, pay attention, and reconnect with yourself.
A Simple Practice for This Month
The next time you notice yourself reacting strongly to something, see if you can pause before immediately doing anything about it.
Take one slow breath.
Notice what is happening in your body.
Then ask yourself:
- “What am I noticing right now?”
- “What do I need in this moment?”
You don’t have to find the perfect answer.
The practice is simply noticing that there is a moment between what happened and what happens next.
That moment may be very small. But with practice, it can become easier to find.
A Thought to Carry With You
You may not always get to choose your first response.
But with awareness and practice, you may begin to discover a little more space before the next one.
Sometimes, a little space is enough to make a different choice.
Until next month, notice what happens in the space between what you experience and what you do next.
Warmly,
Valerie
To follow along
A tiny practice for when your body is holding more than you can name. No explaining required, which is the point.
Simple somatic release by Danielle Matthews, on YouTube
If reading the steps is not your thing, watch the square. Same practice, seventeen seconds.
Box breathing, 4-4-4-4 by Pocket Breath Coach, Luke Horton, on YouTube
Common questions about this
What does regulation mean here?
Not never getting activated. It means noticing what is happening sooner, so there is a little room to choose what you need next.
Is mindfulness just sitting with your eyes closed?
No. It can be a walk through the Botanic Garden, feeling the ground under your feet, or one slow breath before you answer someone.
The session this supports: Therapeutic Bodywork Session, 90 min, $180. Book · Read more about how I work with this
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